To Make You Stronger
by You'veGotMeAndJesus
Summary: Clare Edwards has just been given some tragic news that she has no idea how to handle. In the midst of her struggle, she realizes that something she felt like she lost long ago was never really gone.


**Author's Note: ****This one's a little bit intense. I promised myself that I wouldn't write a Clare's cancer story since so many other people were doing it, but I really liked this angle. I hope you all enjoy it! :)**

I ran

All I could do was run

Run from my racing thoughts. Run from my crying mother. Run from that hospital. Run from the disaster that is now my life.

But it's not uncommon for me to run from my problems, is it?

I ran until I couldn't run any more. I put my hands on my knees and began breathing heavily, tears blurring my vision. After being in that position for quite some time, I decided to stand up straight so I could see where I stopped and try to make my way home.

Actually, make it back to the hospital. I kind of ran out of my doctor's appointment. But what was I supposed to do? I couldn't look at my doctor's half-smiling face, attempting to cheer me up but failing miserably. I couldn't listen to my mother crying. I couldn't handle where my mind was taking me. _How will I tell my family? My friends? Eli? Will I lose my hair? Will I miss school? Will I even __**finish**__ school? _I couldn't take one more cryptic thought, so I bolted.

When I looked up to get my bearings, I realized that I was standing in front of a church. _Great, that's exactly where I want to be right now. _Even though the tone in my head was clearly sarcastic, I felt something pulling me toward that little white building with the crosses on the doors. Because of this indescribable feeling, I made my way up the walkway, pulled one of the doors open, and walked inside the church.

It wasn't my church I grew up in as a child, but it was very reminiscent of it. The main aisle was carpeted and there were three small steps to get to the stage. On top of the stage sat two podiums, one on each end, and a table in the middle with two candlesticks and a giant bible on it. For whatever reason, I was drawn to read the verses on the open page. When I looked at it, I discovered it was on Deuteronomy 31. I scanned down the page until I found verse six: "Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the Lord your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you." I read aloud. I let a dark chuckle escape from my mouth at the thought. I sat down on the last step, put my head in my hands, and thought about that statement. Then, I decided to let out my frustrations.

"You won't forsake me, huh?" I questioned, looking up at the ceiling. "You're joking, right? WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU WON'T FORSAKE ME? BECAUSE RIGHT NOW, I SURE DO FEEL FORSAKEN!" I exclaimed and shouted to a God that I wasn't even sure was there anymore. "I put all I had into you and what do you do? You tear apart my family. And now…" I couldn't even finish my sentence. I just put my head in my hands and started crying. "I loved you," I said, my voice barely audible. "Why did you do this to me?"

I continued crying, letting out so many mixed emotions I didn't even know I possessed, until something stopped me in my tracks. All of a sudden, I felt an undeniable pressure come around me. It wasn't a suffocating pressure, but it wasn't a feathery touch either.

It felt like I was being held.

Then, that unforgettable experience was followed by another:

"To make you stronger."

It was that still small voice everyone always talked about when I was a little girl. In fact, it was so small that if I wasn't delirious and heartbroken, I'm not sure if I would have even heard it myself. I started crying again, but this time because of a different reason. A different feeling entirely…

Peace

It was a peace I have never felt before. A peace I should not be experiencing in the midst of this battle I have to face. I just felt so comforted and so loved. I felt like I could do anything.

In that moment, I realized something: God never left me. He never forsook me. The problem was that I left Him for a little while. When I went through all that stuff with my parents, I felt like He let go of me. I felt all alone. I realize now that was never the case. I made some bad decisions and got myself into my fair share of trouble, all that time thinking that God had left me to fend for myself and that I was too far gone. That pressure that I was just experiencing allowed me to know that I was wrong. When I was going through all the things that I went through, He never left my side. He didn't put me through all that to forsake me; He did it to make me stronger. And he's making me go through this life-threatening disease because He is continuing to make me stronger. He didn't leave me. Now in return, I'm going to turn back to Him…if it's not too late.

After I calmed down enough to regain some composure, I stood up and began to exit the church. When I was almost out the door, I noticed a table setting in the lobby with a bible on it. I turned back around and looked at the highlighted passage I found inside. Romans 8:38-39 said, "For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord."

I may have fallen off the path, but I know how I'm going to beat this cancer. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me, and I know now that I will always have his strength.

**So what did you think? Please review and tell me! **

**Also, I hope all of you know that the message rings true for all of you. If you have made the decision to give your life to Christ, He will never forsake you. There may be times when you might feel like he's letting you fend for yourself, but He's got a tight grip on you and He won't let go. It's not in his nature. **

**If any of you need someone to talk to about this type of matter, or any matter really, don't hesitate to PM me. **

**Much love,**

**~You'veGotMeAndJesus**


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